Coping After Losing a Loved One & Healthy Aging
- Actor Robert Wagner, who turned 95 earlier this year, has just celebrated his 35th wedding anniversary with retired actress Jill St. John.
- Wagner found love with Jill St. John after his wife Wood died in 1981 by drowning during a boat trip to Catalina Island in California.
- Healthy aging isn’t just about accomplishing medical check-ups or managing illnesses. It’s also about maintaining a high quality of life as you age, keeping your body and mind as robust as possible, and living life to the fullest. SurvivorNet has put together some tips that can help you age healthily, which include: Physical Activity, Nutrition, Social Engagement, Mental Stimulation, Regular Check-ups, and Sleep.
- Remember, consistency is the key. Building these habits and making them part of your daily routine can potentially slow down the aging process and improve your overall well-being.
- Even small steps can have a significant impact, so it’s never too late to start. After all, aging is just another word for living. And our aim should not be to just live longer, but to live healthier and happier.
Wagner, who turned 95 earlier this year, took to Instagram this week to commemorate his long-lasting love with St. John, 84, with a video montage of heartwarming photos of the loving pair.
Read MoreHowever, just as one of Wagner’s fans pointed out, we can’t forget the loss of Wagner’s former wife, Natalie Wood, who co-starred in “Miracle on 34th Street” at just 8 years old.
Wagner actually married Wood twice, first in 1957, ultimately divorcing five years later. And the second time in 1972. However, Wood died in 1981 by drowning during a boat trip to Catalina Island in California. [During the time Wagner and Wood had divorced, Wagner married actress Marion Marshall in 1962, but they ended their relationship in 1971.]
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In Wagner’s 2016 memoir, titled “I Loved Her in the Movies: Memories of Hollywood’s Legendary Actresses,” the retired actor wrote, as per People. “When Natalie died, I thought my life was over.
“Luckily I had the help of a great many people who loved her and who loved me as well.”
He continued, “I thought I would never get up, you know? My children helped me heal. And my friends were so supportive. And slowly I was able to get up. I got on my feet but it was very, very difficult and a sad time.”
Losing Wood led Wagner, who is the biological dad of his daughters Katie and Courtney, to become closer with his stepdaughter Natasha Gregson Wagner.
More Resources On Coping With Loss
- Dealing With Grief Related to Health Problems
- Mental Health: Understanding the Three Wellsprings of Vitality
- Mental Health and Cancer — The Fight, Flight or Freeze Response
- How to Be Realistically Optimistic: Coping With Mental Health Long-Term
- Mental Health: Coping With Feelings of Anger
- How to Handle the Emotional Toll of Caring for a Loved One With Cancer: Prioritizing Your Mental Health
Despite Wagner’s traumatic loss, we’re glad he was able to find love again with St. John, whom he previously meet back in the 1950s. They started out as friends, but began dating in 1982, eight years before getting married.
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Meanwhile, Wagner turned 95 on February 10th of this year, a milestone birthday which was celebrated with a post on his official Instagram account.
The post read, “Happy 95th Birthday to the legendary Robert Wagner! For over seven decades, he has graced our screens with unforgettable performances, timeless charm, and an enduring legacy in Hollywood. From It Takes a Thief to Hart to Hart, from The Pink Panther, The Towering Inferno to Austin Powers, he has captivated audiences with his talent and charisma.
“Today, we celebrate not just an incredible career but an incredible man. Wishing you a day filled with love, joy, and the admiration of all who appreciate your work. Happy Birthday, RJ!”
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Moving Through Grief
Grief is a difficult, truly personal process, something Wagner has shown. Some find solace in vulnerability and sharing how they feel with others.
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While working through grief and vulnerable tackling of the emotions that accompany it, some find tools like therapy to be helpful. Support groups can also be a benefit for those who are feeling isolated in their feelings of grief. Faith can also be a powerful coping mechanism for some.
Whichever methods of support you look for after cancer loss, you should know that there is no correct way to grieve. There is no perfect timeline for grieving, either.
Dealing With Grief Related to Health Problems
Surviving the Loss of a Partner
Fighting your own cancer battle is one of the toughest experiences in life; watching the disease take someone you love is a different kind of pain. In some cases, a spouse with cancer can take proactive steps to talk about what might come after.
“She wanted to make sure that I knew that it was OK, she really wanted me to have another relationship after she was gone,” one widower told SurvivorNet in an earlier interview.
Meanwhile, John Duberstein lost his wife, writer Nina Riggs, to metastatic triple negative breast cancer. He says that while he was watching her suffer from the disease, he couldn’t help but wish things could go back to normal, but Riggs had already embraced her new normal.
RELATED: The Toughest Conversations: Losing a Spouse to Cancer
“I really wanted things to go back to normal, whatever that meant,” Duberstein told SurvivorNet. “She was not for that. She wanted to embrace the existence that she had, even before she knew she was going to die imminently. I did not want to talk about what was going to happen with me after Nina died. Nina is the one that really brought it up, she brought it up a number of times.”
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Duberstein explained that even with the pain of losing his wife, and even though he didn’t want to talk about it at the time, he’s so glad they had those seemingly uncomfortable conversations. “In retrospect, I can’t even explain how glad I am that I had that.”
This is a reminder that having those uncomfortable and painful conversations with your partner can be fundamental to your well-being as you move forward in the grieving process, alleviating the guilt felt in starting to date again, and/or eventually marry.
Finding Joy Through Adversity
When faced a loved one’s cancer battle it can be hard to focus on life outside of their disease or the loss of a loved one. But it’s important to remember that your mental state can actually impact your success as a patient, caregiver, or someone who is mourning.
“I’m pretty good at telling what kind of patients are going to still have this attitude and probably going to live the longest, even with bad, bad disease,” Dr. Zuri Murrell, a colorectal surgeon at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, previously told SurvivorNet. “And those are patients who, they have gratitude in life.”
Dr. Dana Chase, a gynecologic oncologist at Arizona Oncology, also advocates for cancer warriors to prioritize their mental health. She noted that emotional well-being has been studied as a factor in patient outcomes.
“We know from good studies that emotional health is associated with survival, meaning better quality of life is associated with better outcomes,” Dr. Chase told SurvivorNet in an earlier interview. “So, working on your emotional health, your physical well-being, your social environment [and] your emotional well-being are important and can impact your survival.
“If that’s related to what activities you do that bring you joy, then you should try to do more of those activities.”
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Focusing on your emotional help may look spending time with your loved ones, doing yoga, painting, writing, or a number of different things.
There are no right or wrong answers, but Dr. Chase says doing things that bring you joy is important.
She recommends writing down ten things that make you happy and intentionally making the time to do those activities throughout the day.
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“Sometimes I will talk to a patient about making [a] list of the top ten things that bring them joy,” Chase says. “And trying to do those ten things, to make at least 50 percent of their experiences positive throughout the day.”
Understanding Aging
It’s understandable that aging can feel like a mystery at times, and it’s great to see her taking the journey positive attitude, especially as she’s been in the public eye for a quarter-century. After all, we’ve all heard phrases like “Age is just a number,” but what does that mean? And how does it impact our health and well-being?
From the day we are born, our bodies and minds start to change and grow. This continuous process is, fundamentally, what we call ‘aging.’ Life is a journey filled with countless changes, and aging is an integral part of that journey. Quite often, when we talk about aging, we focus on the physical changes, but it’s also about the evolution of our mental and emotional states.
SurvivorNet has provided an overview of aging to guide you through this universal process.
Some key points to remember about aging:
- Aging is a natural biological process that affects everyone.
- The experience of aging can vary greatly among individuals.
- While aging comes with some inevitable changes, many aspects of aging are influenced by lifestyle choices and attitudes.
- Aging isn’t something to fear or shy away from—it’s a phase of life that we all share.
Healthy Aging Tips
Healthy aging isn’t just about accomplishing medical check-ups or managing illnesses. It’s also about maintaining a high quality of life as you age, keeping your body and mind as robust as possible, and living life to the fullest. SurvivorNet has put together some tips that can help you age healthily:
Physical Activity: Try to incorporate at least 30 minutes of moderate exercise into your daily routine. This could be walking, cycling, swimming—any physical activity you enjoy!
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Nutrition: Eat a balanced diet heavy on fruits, vegetables, lean protein, and whole grains. Limiting processed foods, sugars and unhealthy fats can make a big difference in your overall health.
Social Engagement: Stay socially active. Whether it’s attending family gatherings, participating in group hobbies, volunteering, or just catching up with friends, maintaining social connections can significantly enhance your emotional health and well-being.
Mental Stimulation: Engage in activities that stimulate your mind. This could include reading, doing puzzles, learning a new skill or language, or even playing memory-boosting games.
Regular Check-ups: Don’t forget about your regular medical, dental, and eye check-ups. Prevention is always better than cure!
Sleep: Good sleep is vital for your overall health. Practice good sleep hygiene – keep a regular sleep schedule, make your sleeping environment comfortable and quiet, and try to avoid screens before bed.
Remember, consistency is the key. Building these habits and making them part of your daily routine can potentially slow down the aging process and improve your overall well-being.
Even small steps can have a significant impact, so it’s never too late to start. After all, aging is just another word for living. And our aim should not be to just live longer, but to live healthier and happier.
Contributing: SurvivorNet Staff
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