Finding Love Again After Loss
- Actress Valerie Bertinelli, 63, has fallen “in love” once again following a difficult road of grief after her divorce from estranged husband Tom Vitale and losing her ex-husband guitarist Eddie Van Halen to throat cancer.
- Bertinelli said she’s dating a writer from the East Coast, but hasn’t yet revealed who the lucky man is.
- Grief is a difficult, truly personal process, something Bertinelli has shown. Some find solace in vulnerability and sharing how they feel with others.
- While working through grief and vulnerable tackling of the emotions that accompany it, some find tools like therapy to be helpful. Support groups can also be a benefit for those who are feeling isolated in their feelings of grief. Faith can also be a powerful coping mechanism for some.
- Whichever methods of support you look for after cancer loss, you should know that there is no correct way to grieve. There is no perfect timeline for grieving, either.
It’s heartwarming to hear Bertinelli has opened up her heart to another man after prioritizing herself after loss and working on her newly published book. Bertinelli previously filed for divorce from Vitale, citing “irreconcilable differences” in May 2022, as per a USA TODAY report. And she dealt with the tragic loss of her ex-husband Van Halen, who died in October 2020 after multiple battles with various types of cancer.
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However, the beloved TV personality, who recently published her new cookbook, “Indulge: Delicious and Decadent Dishes to Enjoy and Share,” has not yet revealed her new man’s name.
Despite keeping the major detail hidden from the public, she admitted, “My belly is flip-flopping. This was not supposed to happen.”
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She continued, referring to the grief she’s dealt with following divorce and the passing of her “soul mate” Van Halen, “I want to be clear that this process has taken a long time.
“I got more intentional about my healing. That meant a lot of walks with [my dog] Luna, a lot of therapy sessions, a lot of learning that I deserve to feel good.”
According to People, Bertinelli reveals in her new book that her new love is a writer from the East Coast, who she started a friendly relationship via Instagram several years back.
Bertinelli explains, “It was strictly platonic but there was something about him that I connected with that felt familiar.”
More Resources On Coping With Loss
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- Mental Health and Cancer — The Fight, Flight or Freeze Response
She and her new man started talking on the phone earlier this year and decided to take their relationship to a more romantic level, something she’s found “comfort” in. “It feels incredibly right,” she adds.
Bertinelli insists she discovered “joy” before her new man came into her life.
People noted that Bertinelli talks about how her new cookbook followed all the “emotional and mental healing” she’s been doing.
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She reportedly says in her new book, “First came the work. Why I thought I didn’t deserve to be loved. Why I was using food to numb my feelings. All the drama and trauma I hadn’t dealt with — with Ed and my last marriage.”
Noting how her cookbook got her through tough times, she writes, “The more I let myself cry, the better I felt. I wasn’t trying to be happy or sad or thin. I wasn’t trying to be anything other than who I was.”
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Valerie Bertinelli On Losing Her Soulmate
Valerie Bertinelli is clearly missing Eddie Van Halen and the meaningful time they spent together. She often posts throwback photos on her Instagram of Van Halen and other family members.
Van Halen and Bertinelli were married from 1981 to 2007 and had one child together named Wolfgang, 33. Despite their separation, Bertinelli called Van Halen her “soulmate.”
“I just don’t feel like I’ve ever been loved like that, in that way, from anybody else,” she’s said. “I just feel a connection with Ed that I’ve never really felt with anyone else.”
Although their relationship was turbulent over the years, the two did reach “a beautiful place together” before Van Halen’s passing. Looking back on it all, Bertinelli says their time together taught her an invaluable lesson.
“Love,” she previously explained.
“If there’s nothing else in this world, go back to that key point that you know you have inside you, that you know that you feel for the people that are closest to you. That love. Love always wins no matter what, even when they’re gone.
“There’s still that love there to be grateful for that you had.”
The Power of Love
Love is all around us. We don’t have to have a significant other to give or feel love from others. The history of love in our own family can be something fulfilling for us, giving us stories that we can cherish.
SurvivorNet previously spoke with a family who shared a story of their parents’ love during World War II, and an amazing keepsake the family has from that time. A lovebox.
SurvivorNetTV Presents Lovebox A Love Story for the Ages
Moving Through Grief
Grief is certainly difficult, truly personal process, something Bertinelli has shown. Some find solace in vulnerability and sharing how they feel with others.
‘Therapy Saved My Life’: After Losing A Loved One, Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For Help
While working through grief and vulnerable tackling of the emotions that accompany it, some find tools like therapy to be helpful. Support groups can also be a benefit for those who are feeling isolated in their feelings of grief. Faith can also be a powerful coping mechanism for some.
Whichever methods of support you look for after cancer loss, you should know that there is no correct way to grieve. There is no perfect timeline for grieving, either.
Surviving the Loss of a Partner
Fighting your own cancer battle is one of the toughest experiences in life; watching the disease take someone you love is a different kind of pain. In some cases, a spouse with cancer can take proactive steps to talk about what might come after.
“She wanted to make sure that I knew that it was OK, she really wanted me to have another relationship after she was gone,” one widower told SurvivorNet in an earlier interview.
Meanwhile, John Duberstein lost his wife, writer Nina Riggs, to metastatic triple negative breast cancer. He says that while he was watching her suffer from the disease, he couldn’t help but wish things could go back to normal … but Riggs had already embraced her new normal.
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“I really wanted things to go back to normal, whatever that meant,” Duberstein told SurvivorNet. “She was not for that. She wanted to embrace the existence that she had, even before she knew she was going to die imminently. I did not want to talk about what was going to happen with me after Nina died. Nina is the one that really brought it up, she brought it up a number of times.”
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Duberstein explained that even with the pain of losing his wife, and even though he didn’t want to talk about it at the time, he’s so glad they had those seemingly uncomfortable conversations. “In retrospect, I can’t even explain how glad I am that I had that.”
This is a reminder that having those uncomfortable and painful conversations with your partner can be fundamental to your well-being as you move forward in the grieving process, alleviating the guilt felt in starting to date again, and/or eventually marry.
Contributing: SurvivorNet Staff
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