Published Dec 2, 2025

34-Year-Old Mom, Who Was Diagnosed With Metastatic Breast Cancer After Unusual ‘Numbness & Pain’ Insists There’s ‘Nothing More Important Then Your Care Team’—The Importance Of Pushing For Answers & Second Opinions

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Seeking Multiple Opinions After a Cancer Diagnosis

Elissa Kalver, a 34-year-old mom from California, was diagnosed with stage 4 HER2-positive breast cancer after experiencing unexplained pain and numbness, initially misattributed to childbirth or a sports injury. Four years later, at 38, she reflects on the journey that led her to seek medical advice and ultimately a life-changing diagnosis.
Remember, when you see a doctor for a problem, don’t hesitate to make sure that your questions are fully answered and that you are comfortable with the plan moving forward. By doing this, you are advocating for your health.
Seeking a second or third opinion for your diagnosis and treatment plan is another aspect of advocating for your health and making sure you get the treatment you need.
SurvivorNet offers questions you can consider asking your doctor if your are thinking about seeking another opinion on your diagnosis or treatment plan.

Elissa Kalver, a 34-year-old mom from Woodland Hills, California, was diagnosed with stage 4, HER2-positive breast cancer after noticing unusual changes in her body. At first, she thought her symptoms of “feeling off” or the numbness and pain in her feet were from the aftermath of giving birth to her daughter or a sports injury, but they turned out to be signs of a fast-growing, metastatic disease.

Sharing her story with Glamour, Kalver, who is now 38, recounted how her body began feeling “a bit weird after delivering” her daughter in July 2020. However, it wasn’t until she began experiencing pain and numbness that she sought medical advice.

“When I started playing tennis and exercising again, I had numbness and pain in my feet. At first I assumed it was related to a sports injury, since I’d had so many over the years. But no amount of physical therapy or other remedies I tried brought any relief. Then I thought it might be plantar fasciitis. But as more time passed, I began to just feel off, so I started consulting specialists and getting every possible workup,” she told Glamour.

She continued, “Because my symptoms were nowhere near my chest, breast cancer was the last thing on my mind. I’d even recently had a breast exam with my primary care doctor; they didn’t feel anything then, and neither did I. But just a couple of months later, almost a year after I had given birth, my husband jokingly copped a feel when I was getting dressed one day, and he felt a lump.

“At that point I wasn’t scared because it felt a lot like a clogged milk duct, although I’d stopped breastfeeding months earlier. Friends of mine had developed cysts and other benign things over the years, so I assumed it was something like that. Still, I took it seriously, especially because I’d been feeling so off.”

When she went for her breast checkup, doctors were able to feel the breast lump her husband noticed, and a second lump, in her armpit. The discovery prompted her to get her first mammogram, an ultrasound, and some biopsies taken.

After learning both lumps were cancerous, a PET scan revealed she had stage 4 breast cancer, which had already spread to her liver and lower spine.

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Kalver, who often takes to Instagram to share her cancer journey, continues to power through the disease and remain optimistic, noting on her social media that her “reality” involves a lifelong port in her chest, infusions every few weeks, regular scans, and more scans even thought her cancer may not be “visible.”

However, prior to this point, she recalled to Glamour that the start of her treatment plan, which involved chemotherapy, led her to feel as though she “wasn’t in the best hands,” prompting her and her support system to look for a way to “revisit” her treatment plan.

She admitted her first doctor didn’t “educate” her as best as possible in what her treatment plan should be, so ultimately found another doctor who switched her off the chemotherapy she was on, allowing her to feel better.

‘My Biggest Piece of Advice’

Kalver then offered some “lifesaving advice” to Glamour, urging, “not be afraid to get a second opinion—even if you’re already seeing ‘the best.'”

She explained, “My current oncologist, whom I just adore, would encourage me to do exactly that were I interested. Any good doctor won’t feel threatened or offended by your desire to seek other perspectives. If they are, I don’t think they’re the right provider.

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Kalver then emphasized the importance of understanding your health insurance coverage, as many people are unaware of their options. After her diagnosis, she had an HMO plan and thought she couldn’t see out-of-network providers, assuming any care outside her insurance would be too expensive. However, she discovered that while treatments like chemo could be costly, a second opinion was surprisingly affordable—around $500.

This consultation provided valuable ongoing support, and she eventually switched insurance to continue seeing the new doctor. It highlighted how a simple, low-cost second opinion can be incredibly beneficial.

Kalver concluded, “In general we have more health care options than most people realize. And I get it because I felt scared and overwhelmed after my diagnosis. The last thing I wanted to do was research more doctors. However, there is nothing more important than your care team, so make sure you feel good about it.

“While none of them will have all the answers—if they did, we would have a cure—you need to know your providers are looking out for your best interests and staying on top of the latest treatment options. That will help you feel less stressed through all the decisions and research that follow.”

Kalver—who founded wegotthis.org, the first nonprofit gift registry for cancer patients—is also focused on promoting the importance of understanding one’s own body, knowing what feels normal and what doesn’t.

This awareness is not only crucial for detecting breast cancer but for overall health and well-being.

Further offering her insight to Glamour, Kalver said, “You should check your body regularly. With my dense breasts, one day I could feel my tumor, the next I couldn’t. It’s vital to be proactive about your health and not put things off because you’re afraid of finding something.

“Yes, it sucks that I’ll be in treatment forever, but I’m alive because we found a lump, and relatively speaking it’s pretty amazing how well I’m living with stage 4 cancer. Like, I’ve had tumors in my brain, and I’m running a nonprofit and just wrote a book. If I hadn’t been proactive, I’d be dead.”

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She continued, “That said, cancer should not be a prerequisite to living life to the fullest. There’s so much I think we need to prioritize—and not only after we receive a life-changing diagnosis or lose a family member. Let’s really put those things first.

“I know there are limitations and you have to be realistic. But a lot of the things I’m doing now have always been part of me. I just became a more amplified version of myself once this terrible diagnosis slapped me in the face.”

We’re thrilled that Kalver has found the strength to share her journey and inspire others facing an incurable disease like hers. Since her diagnosis, she’s celebrated a number of personal triumphs, including improving her vision with Lasik eye surgery, seeing her hair grow back, launching the first nonprofit gift registry for cancer patients, starting her own podcast, becoming a keynote speaker, navigating five different cancer treatment plans, and most incredibly, overcoming brain tumors.

What to Know About Choosing a Care Team & The Value of a Second Opinion

“Cancer care is multidisciplinary, and a team approach is simply the best way to organize it,” Dr. Elizabeth Berger previously, a breast surgical oncologist in The Breast Center at Yale University’s Smilow Cancer Center in New Haven, CT, previously told SurvivorNet.

Cancer care team members strive to stay on the same page and communicate a clear and uniform message to their patients.

“Teams communicate on an almost daily basis. When I receive a [lab] report on a patient, I reach out to the radiologist and the medical oncologist right away. We have calls where all members of that patient’s team are on the call discussing appropriate care for each patient,” Dr. Berger explains.

Dr. Dana Chase weighs in on advocating for your health and avoiding provider bias.

Your care team can be thought of as a bicycle wheel containing a hub and many spokes. You won’t handpick each member of your team. Most likely, the doctor you start your cancer care with, whether that’s a surgeon or a medical oncologist, will refer you to the other doctors you need. Of course, if one of those doctors isn’t a great fit, you can try another.

Core providers form the hub and can include:

The surgeon
The oncologist
The radiologist

The spokes may be comprised of various providers depending on what you need. Your team could include:

A genetic counselor
A nutritionist
An emotional support
A reproductive medicine specialist
A physical therapist

WATCH: What should you consider when choosing your care team?

Remember, advocating for yourself is an important part of any health journey. When you see a doctor for a problem, don’t hesitate to make sure that your questions are fully answered and that you are comfortable with the plan moving forward. From a doctor’s perspective, every problem should have a diagnosis, a treatment, a plan for follow-up, and a plan for what happens next if the treatment doesn’t work.

“It’s important for you to actually educate yourself and be your own health care advocate,” colorectal surgeon Dr. Zuri Murrell previously told SurvivorNet. “You should lead each doctor’s appointment with a plan.”

In addition to making sure you and your doctor are in alignment with your diagnosis and potential treatment, seeking other opinions is equally important.

Doctors do not always agree about whether your symptoms might merit further testing and whether specific treatment methods might work best for you.

Dr. Steven Rosenberg, chief of surgery at the National Cancer Institute and one of America’s most renowned cancer doctors, agrees.

WATCH: The value of getting a second opinion.

“If I had any advice for you following a cancer diagnosis, it would be, first, to seek out multiple opinions as to the best care, because finding a doctor who is up to the latest of information is important,” Rosenberg previously told SurvivorNet.

“It’s always important to get other opinions so that you can make the best decisions for yourself in consultation with your care providers,” Dr. Rosenberg continued.

Coping With a Breast Cancer Diagnosis

If you are facing a breast cancer diagnosis, your emotions are likely to run high, which is completely normal. Psychiatrist Dr. Lori Plutchik says emotions are often fluid when coping with a diagnosis.

“The patient or person going through the stressful event should accept that emotions will be fluid. You may feel fine one day and then feel a massive wave of stress the next. It’s also important for those you look to for support, whether that’s a therapist, friends, family, or both, to understand the fluidity of stress-related emotions,” Dr. Plutchik told SurvivorNet in an earlier interview.

If a stressful event affects how you think and feel, it may be time to seek mental health treatment. This could mean traditional talk therapy, medication, changing lifestyle habits (like exercise and diet), seeking a support group, or many other approaches.

Women needing a little extra help coping with a breast cancer diagnosis should consider the following.

Let your family and close friends know, and let them help. So many cancer survivors tell us they want and need support but are often too preoccupied to make specific requests. Urge those close to you to jump in with whatever practical help they can offer.
Keep a journal. It can be highly cathartic to let those feelings loose on paper. Grab a pen and a lovely journal and chronicle your thoughts throughout the day.
Join a cancer support group. Groups are available in nearly every community and offer opportunities to connect with others going through a similar journey. You’ll learn constructive insight from others who can tell you what to expect and how to stay strong on tough days.
Consider seeing a therapist. Ask your doctor to refer you to a therapist so you can discuss your fears and concerns in a safe space. Often, vocalizing your thoughts and feelings rather than internalizing them can provide relief.

Questions to Ask Your Doctor

If you have been diagnosed with breast cancer, you may have questions about how to keep your strength through treatment. Here are a few questions to help you begin the conversation:

What treatment will I be receiving?
What side effects are associated with this treatment?
Are there steps I can take daily to help minimize these side effects?
What physical activity routine do you recommend for me during treatment?
Do you have recommendations for someone who doesn’t particularly enjoy exercise?