The Decision To Keep a Health Battle Private or Share
- “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” star Teddi Mellencamp, 43, is on the mend after undergoing surgery earlier this week to remove two brain tumors, after multiple tumors were found in her brain, and her loved ones are respecting the TV personality’s privacy and not sharing any health updates. Mellencamp learned she had brain tumors after weeks of suffering from “severe and debilitating headaches.
- She previously underwent 16 diagnoses of melanoma, which is type of skin cancer that starts in the same cells that give your skin, hair, and eyes their color. It is most likely found on sun-exposed skin areas like your face, neck, arms, and legs. However, you might also find them in your feet, eyes, and mouth.
- It’s unclear how Mellencamp is doing after undergoing surgery to remove brain tumors, but her loved ones’ ability to keep any personal details throughout the “Real Housewives” star’s health journey reminds us about the importance of privacy.
- Although Mellencamp has been open to the public about her previous cancer diagnosis and news about her brain tumors, we admire her friends and family from keeping an additional information from going public. Some people battling a disease like cancer are open to sharing their experiences as much as they can, while others prefer to keep it to themselves. SurvivorNet experts say both approaches and everything in between are valid.
- It’s important to remember that choosing to share a cancer journey is a personal choice, whether you’re a celebrity or not, and the same goes for other private topics.
Mellencamp, who shares three children with her estranged husband Edwin Arroyave, underwent surgery to remove two brain tumors, after multiple tumors were found in her brain. Although she’s been nothing short of shy when it comes to telling her fans about her health issues, the TV personality has yet to offer an update on how she’s doing after the procedure.
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“It’s not my place, it’s not mean. What do you guys want me to do? Do you want me to take pictures from the hospital and post it. I’m not
doing that.”
The California native continued, “She’s got a very good girls hang out and we’re all in a group text and we have schedules because we don’t ever want her to be alone, so we have schedules of who’s going.
After noting how she was at the hospital by Mellencamp’s side for approximately eight hours, she added, “We’re trying to surround her with love and caring and all these things.”
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While addressing those not in Mellencamp’s inner circle, she explained further, “I know you’re concerned about her. I know you are. Some people are getting mean with me, going ‘Why won’t you give us update?’ And I just said, ‘I’m so sorry. I know you’re concerned, but it’s not my place.
“All I can do is pray on her and love her like all of her friends are doing. And that’s it.”
Judge concluded on the matter, “I mean, her family, her friends, myself, everybody. We’re just trying to put one foot in front of the other
right now.
“It’s one day at a time. That’s it.”
Mellencamp’s estranged husband, CEO and Founder of Skyline Security Management Edwin Arroyave, has also kept any additional details off of social media, however, he did share a photo of Mellencamp before she went into surgery, while maintaining hope and faith for what was to come.
He captioned the post, “Jeremiah 17:14: Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for you are my praise.
“Lord, I lift up @teddimellencamp to You. You are the Great Healer, and I ask for Your healing touch upon her body. Restore her strength, renew her spirit, and let her feel Your comforting presence. Grant her peace, hope, and full recovery. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
We’re glad to see Mellencamp’s children keeping some normalcy and continuing to say prayers, as per photos and videos Arroyave shares on his Instagram, of them going to school and playing sports, while their mom embarks on her recovery after surgery.
Their daughter Gigi was seen singing the song “Lift Up Holy Hands/He’s Alive (Spontaneous)” by Bethel Music, Hannah McClure, and Noah Paul Harrison, as she was sitting in the backseat of a car after being picked up from school.
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Teddi Mellencamp’s Brain Tumor & Skin Cancer Journey
Teddi Mellencamp shaved her head before going into surgery to remove two brain tumors, after multiple tumors were found in her brain.
“For the last several weeks I’ve been dealing with severe and debilitating headaches. Yesterday the pain was unbearable and required hospitalization,” she explained in a recent Instagram post, leading up to her surgery.
“After a CT scan and MRI, doctors found multiple tumors on my brain, which they believe have been growing for at least 6 months. Two of the tumors will be surgically removed today — The remaining smaller tumors will be dealt with via radiation at a later date.”
Before her brain tumors were discovered, Mellencamp was diagnosed with stage 0 melanoma back in March 2022. Then in October of that year, after keeping up with her skin checks, she was diagnosed with stage 2.
Since then she’s had a total of 16 cancer growths removed.
Last year, Mellencamp opened up about undergoing surgery to get cancer removed from her back following an unsuccessful immunotherapy treatment.
She previously took to her Instagram story to warn fans, “This is just a reminder to all of you guys. Go get your skin checked. I was talking to someone the other day and they’re like, ‘Oh yeah, I tan easily, blah blah blah. So, I’m not prone to it.’
Mellencamp added, ” Anyhoo, I know that sometimes going to get things checked or booking your appointments can create uneasiness in us but it is so worth it,” according to People.
The Choice to Share
The choice to share or not share one’s health journey or cancer diagnosis is a personal one for anyone facing the disease, even if they’re not a celebrity. While some people choose to share only with close friends and family, others post their entire journey on social media, create blogs and detail their treatments, side effects and doctor reports.
According to Dr. Renee Exelbert, a licensed psychologist and founding director of The Metamorphosis Center for Psychological and Physical Change in New York, the decision to openly disclose or not disclose one’s diagnosis may be made more complicated for someone in the public eye, as they may feel pressure to serve as a role model, or to use their notable platform for the greater good.
She says public figures and celebrities are often held to a harsher standard, frequently having their appearance and behaviors rigorously evaluated. This might make hiding a cancer diagnosis more difficult and may also make disclosing a cancer diagnosis a greater burden to bear.
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Also, just because someone is a public figure or celebrity does not spare them from judgment and the insensitive comments of others, especially while they may be fighting for their life.
Dr. Exelbert says the decision to disclose or not disclose a cancer diagnosis is a very individual and personal one in any case.
“Certain Individuals may feel as though their sense of self has been deeply impacted by their diagnosis, and they want to keep it private. At their core, certain individuals may struggle with appearing weak, vulnerable or sick, and particularly do not want to withstand the opinion or commentary of others while facing a cancer diagnosis,” she explained.
“Additionally, some may feel that revealing a cancer diagnosis may pose a threat to their sense of professional identity and how capable they are perceived by others.”
Dr. Exelbert also said some may feel they don’t have the coping resources to withstand scrutiny, whereas others may welcome the distraction and attention. Most importantly, however, she said there is no right or wrong approach.
“When an individual experiences trauma, which cancer certainly is, they need to be in charge of how their story is told in order to avoid further disempowerment. Thus, the decision to disclose or not to disclose should be wholly and rightfully left up to each individual.”
Learn to Accept Yourself — A Huge Part of Living With Cancer
So, is one way more beneficial than the other? Dr. Exelbert says there are pros and cons to sharing.
“A positive aspect of sharing one’s diagnosis on social media is the potential to receive an outpouring of support, occasionally from people all over the world who have experienced something similar, and who may be able to offer useful suggestions,” Exelbert says. “Additionally, someone’s unique story may catch the attention of those performing clinical trials or offering unique treatment options, looking for participants.”
She said the ability to inspire countless people with one’s experience and story can also be a very powerful motivating factor.
“Some individuals are looking to chronicle their journey, almost as testament to what they have experienced and to leave a legacy. It might additionally be beneficial to publicly share one’s story, as it can serve as a platform to educate others about cancer and its emotional and physical symptoms, as well as challenge stigma and change society.”
On the other hand, she says a con of revealing one’s diagnosis on social media is that people may share unsolicited stories of poor outcomes that they have either heard about, or experienced personally, many of which are unrelated to your particular situation. For example, some may tell you they know someone who had the same type of cancer, but died, which can be overwhelming and create undue stress.
“Additionally, once you share your diagnosis, you often have to manage the emotional experience of others,” Dr. Exelbert told SurvivorNet. “Sometimes, people will be very upset by your diagnosis and need you to take care of them or make your situation easier for them to deal with. This can prove quite difficult when you are barely in control of managing your own emotions. Further, many individuals might find it quite difficult to present themselves in such a vulnerable way on social media, as many often utilize this medium to garner accolades from presenting their ‘ideal self’ versus their ‘real self.’”
No matter what someone’s choice is when it comes to sharing a cancer diagnosis, the most important thing is that they feel support. For some, support from a few close friends, family members or professionals may be enough, while others need to feel connected on a larger scale. The last thing anyone needs is to be made to feel bad about that choice.
It’s important to remember that due to cancer treatment not being a one size fits all approach, it affects everyone different mentally, and not everyone feels comfortable sharing what they are going through with others in social situations.
Do I need to share my diagnosis with others? Psychiatrist Dr. Lori Plutchik weighs in.
Some people want to share their experiences as much as they can and others don’t want to tell anyone. Both of these approaches, and everything in between (maybe you only want to tell a few close friends about your diagnosis), are valid.
“Patients who have just been diagnosed with cancer sometimes wonder how they are going to handle the diagnosis of the cancer in social situations,” psychiatrist Dr. Lori Plutchik explained to SurvivorNet in an earlier interview.
“How much information they should share and with whom they should share the information … everybody is different.”
Dr. Plutchik explains that some share the information widely, with family, friends, and beyond and feel comfortable doing so. “Other people are much more private about it,” she says. “And there is no one right way to handle this diagnosis.
“People should do what feels right to them. Going through a cancer diagnosis, through treatment, is often a very long process. And then if you also include after treatment ends where a person is in a kind of state of limbo, waiting to see if they are clear and get their scans. It may be three months or six months into the future. People are still dealing with uncertainty at that point,” she explains.
Dr. Plutchik also stresses that those close to a person going through cancer should be respectful of their wishes when it comes to disclosing their diagnosis and seeking support.
Tips for Parents Struggling to Talk About Their Cancer
After a cancer diagnosis, talking about it can be challenging, especially when children are on the other end of the conversation. It’s important to prepare them for what might happen in the future, but you want to be gentle with this sensitive subject.
Teddi Mellencamp’s children are certainly offering an immense amount of support throughout their mom’s brain tumor journey. However, it’s unclear how she has addressed this topic with her three children.
There is no single way to go about discussing cancer with children, as widower John Duberstein previously explained with SurvivorNet.
Duberstein lost his wife to breast cancer, but before she passed away, the couple discussed her cancer with their children.
WATCH: Talking to kids about cancer.
“I think it’s really important to be open with the kids as much as you can, as much as you feel like they can handle,” Duberstein explained. “When Nina started to look less like a cancer patient, the kids started to make unspoken assumptions about where Nina stood.”
He went on to say as parents, they had to counter false narratives, which developed in their children’s heads about their mother’s prognosis. They had to gently remind them her cancer was not going away.
“It was hard for them to hear even though they’d already been prepared,” he further explained.
If parents find themselves nervous before having this conversation, licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Marianna Strongin said children can pick up on your emotions, so it may help to check in with yourself beforehand.
“If at this moment, you are feeling scared, it might be helpful to calm and soothe yourself first before speaking to your child,” she said.
“Having these conversations may bring up deep emotions you may have stowed away. There is nothing wrong with showing our emotions to children as long as we can remain calm and give them a sense of safety,” she said.
Helping them feel safe can mean giving them tools and strategies to manage their feelings about the situation.
“I love using my childhood self when explaining anything to children,” Strongin said. “I might say, ‘when I was your age, I remember feeling scared of many things, but one thing that always helped is taking three very deep breaths and telling my body it will be okay.’
“It is these kinds of dialogues that allow our children to feel safe and in control.”
Contributing: SurvivorNet Staff
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